The Next Road of my Journey!

Hello everyone it has been awhile since my last entry but that is because I ended up getting worse then I was at the time.  I ended up being admitted to the hospital a few days after the last post. They found out that I do indeed have pancreatitus again!  At least we have some answers to why I was so sick at the time I'm able to tolerate soft bland foods again until today I started last night getting really sick to my stomach and the pain got really bad I started getting sick all over again I'm sitting here right now with the dry heaves again!  Just got my zofran so hopefully they end soon! I do have some crackers tonight to try if it doesn't stop!  Well as for my Journey through all of this it has been a bumpy road for me once again being in the hospital with no way of getting a hold of some people sucked I felt so alone there!  I once again was admitted with no visitors at all!  The one Visitor I had was always with me and that is God He helped me get through another hard time!  I prayed a lot as I was being taken to the hospital and I had some answered prayers this was the first time I was in the Er and I actually had someone with me it was a great feeling!  I'm so glad that God answered my prayer and had a friend come and meet me in the Er!  When she prayed over me i felt the touch of Gods arms reaching out to me and helping me for the first time that night I hadn't thrown up at all!  With Gods touch and the meds they finally met each other and helped me!  A lot of my Medical issues I have been alone for when I get bad news or any kind of news!  I have had many procedures and things alone!  But I Haven't been truly alone I have had my Guardian Angels and God by my side I truly believe that My mom is right with me through all of this but I'm still human and would love to be just held by her one more time!  While at the hospital I had a great experience while I was sleeping one night in my dreams I was being held by my Aunt and she just held me as if to tell me everything is going to be ok well that day I was able to start keeping some fluids down and things were working for the best!  At this Point and stage of the game I have decided I will not let the Dr's. put a feeding tube in me no matter what I don't want to rely on liquid food to keep my body going its in the Lords hands and what he wants for me will happen at this point!  I know some of you are reading this say no she cant do this but I have been struggling with this Idea for a long time now and I have finally had enough of all of it!  I trust and believe in our Lord with all of my heart!  He has brought me back to life several times so If its in his will for me to live I will!  I have made this decision with many of you in my mind and I have put all of you through hell the last few years and I don't want to keep doing that at all!  I started to do this Journal because I wanted to see how I would do with writing things down like this cause its hard for me to discuss this with anyone with out crying and I wanted to see how my life changes from one day to another!  Today though I took a few steps backwards and started vomiting again it hasn't been easy at all then on top of that today the aide I had took and ran my chair on too my foot and now they think i might of broken my foot! I already have problems getting up and down can you imagine if I broke the foot!  all over the fact that I asked to take a shower today Its my shower day anyway!  I just wish instead of people saying they will give me my shower if they have a problem with it just come out and say it instead of doing it even though you don't want to! My stomach hurts me big time I wish this pain and nausea would go away and never come back!  In 10 days it will be my 36th birthday My cousin said I should celebrate but I don't really feel up to it at all!  Who knows maybe by then I will feel much better and feel like celebrating I would love to get to eat corned beef and latkes for dinner or lunch and have my Carrot cake or dq cake!  But who knows what the next 10 days will bring!  I really want to feel good that is the only thing I want for my birthday this year is to feel normal again! Well I think I will sign off for tonight I hope to be able to do this again tomorrow if my Internet service will allow me too.Love and Prayers!!! Anne