I have finally found out how to start journaling here on the net day 1!

Hello I just want to start by saying my name is Anne for those of you that know me I have been struggling through the last several years.  It all started when I lost my Mom my best friend in the whole world I don't think I have ever gotten over her death and the fact that I couldn't save her!  I will never forget the day she died it was Sept. 10,1996, I had just turned 21 a few weeks before that Mom was there for so many people and no one was able to safe her!  When the er Dr. came in the room and said that we had tried everything my heart just sank I knew before he even finished the sentence and I slammed out of the room and I hit my brother with the door as I was exiting the room I couldn't handle the fact she was gone!  Well the weeks that had followed I had fell into a deep depression and I didn't realize what all was going on with myself but thankfully a friends of the family were there to help me and never let me feel alone even if it was late at night!  I was trying like hell to get my life together and it kept falling apart it seemed I was going to therapy and trying to get on the right track.  As I was trying to get my health straightened out cause I had gotten hurt on the job and my arm wasn't getting better they diagnosed me with rsd which later on I found out I didn't have it so I had gone through treatments that I didn't need so I put my body through hell and it didn't help at all!  At that point I got a second opinion and found out that I didn't have rsd that the nerve blocks had done more damage then good!  Well after my mom died the family seemed to go there own ways and split apart no one talked or helped anyone out!  I ended up moving in my sisters house over some problems my dad and I had he was trying to control me and I didn't like it!  I lived with her for approximately 5 months then I went back home after being mistreated!   I was at my dads with my brother and father the three of us got along good and I was hanging out with my brother more and doing things it felt good we where even trying to talk my dad into getting a pool but it never happened!  My dad worked a bingo program that i had helped work at so I was back doing that and being with all the people up there it was a good time after bingo we always went to the Rush to get a few drinks or just to socialize it was a good time well one time when we came home we had found out that my brother had committed suicide in the garage so that had hit me even harder he was my buddy in life I wont go into the story of his death but it was hard on me!  His name was John I wont forget his laugh or is smile John loved to be a jokester! He was the one in the crowd that wanted to make people laugh and have a good time!  Well after Johns death I had a D & C and the Dr that did it scraped to much and I ended up with infections and very sick so I ended up getting a second opinion and with that I had a Cat scan which started my medical problems with the scan they give you a contrast dye that I'm allergic too and it caused my body to shut down! After they brought me back to life I had developed asthma and allergies I didn't even know what asthma was at the time heck i used to smoke it wasn't much but I did. Well during all of this I also accepted Jesus Christ in to my life I prayed and I found friends that cared and where there for me after I had been diagnosed with asthma is when my health started going down hill!  I was put on inhalers and things to help me breathe I was also started on my road of Prednisone the love hate drug I didn't realize how bad that drug is until I had been on it for a long time and the side affects from it alone is not good I gained weight, my bones are disintegrating, I have cataracts at the age of 35, I'm in a nursing home and now I'm once again dealing with a bad stomach cause they think my last episode of an asthma attack,  I will talk more on the challenges I have had and gone through in many of my posts I just thought this would help me keep my mind going and help me deal with everyday issues by making a journal alot of you will wonder what I have done I have prayed to God and had the encouragement of a lot of great people in my life! If it wasn't for friends and things I don't know how I would of made it this far.